For me, at times it can be incredibly difficult to appreciate my life. It can be hard to count my blessings and it can be a feat in itself to be excited to wake up to a new day and new opportunities.
Don’t get me wrong, I realise I’m lucky to be born into a loving and caring family. I’m lucky to live in a safe and strong country, and I’m lucky to have beautiful friends and family.
Some days though, it can be harder to realise these things. When people have a specific phobia (like me), anxiety, depression, eating disorders etc., sometimes life isn’t what we are thinking about. I’d be lying if I said I’d never thought about killing myself. I’m so glad that is no longer something I think about, but when it was a recurring thought, it would stay and linger in my head. I’ve heard people say things like “People are selfish when they commit suicide”. After so long being the one that thought about (but never tried), I can understand why people would desire to take their own life. I know it’s an incredibly sad and heartbreaking thing for everyone to go through, but that person isn’t selfish, that person is trying to stop a pain which they believe is only solved through perishing. I’m in no way suggesting for people to commit suicide, in fact, quite the opposite. There is always help for anyone, no matter how far you’ve gone, no matter how long you’ve suffered, there is always a solution.
Nowadays, I realise that God will never place pressure on me that He knows I cannot handle. More and more recently, I’ve been having to see doctors and specialists regarding my thyroid condition. My condition has progressively gotten worse and has taken a toll on my family. It’s hard for them to see my unwell. They usually see me as very outgoing, energetic and happy (sometimes I am, and sometimes it’s a cover up to not reveal anxiety and fear). For them to see me lying on the couch all day, not eating and taking up to 4 different tablets a day, was heartbreaking.
I’ve learnt to appreciate the fact that I live in a country where medical professionals are accessible in mosts suburbs. I’ve learnt to appreciate that these people truly care about well being, they want me to get better and they will do everything they can to do so. I’ve learnt that God is with me every step of the way through this journey. Having an auto-immune disease is a tough thing to face, but with the right guidance and help, it can allow one to live happily again, and maintain good quality of life.
Sometimes when I’m in the midst of panic, and I’m incredibly anxious, I misjudge things that are blessings in my life. It is really important to realise what we have in life, whether that’s everyday, or every month, I think it’s good to reflect. I don’t mean “I have a BMW parked outside and I’m earning X amount of money a week!”, I mean the real things. Things like family, friends, the food you have available, the fact that you don’t have to walk kilometres and kilometres for water that might not even be fresh. Appreciate the fact that we can relax when we want to, and that we can get support financially, or career support, or health support.
It’s often known that people who have very little (materialistically), are usually the happier people.
Peace and God Bless.
Respire 